Do I want to be a devotee of Krishna?

Today I had the good fortune of trying to help someone on Live Help at Krishna.com. I had a few minutes to spare, took a chance, loaded up live help, and waited. The "door bell" rang. A live help question came onto my browser screen. David from Hartford, CT. David was interested in doing some more service for Krishna. He'd been reading and chanting, but wondered what the next step woud be.

While trying to encourage David, I googled a familiar verse and, as I read over it, paused and meditated on its intensity... trying to see how to apply it in my life, and in David's life.

The immediate questions that arose in my mind were, "do I really want to do this? Is this practical? Is this what I want my life to be like? Do I want to be a devotee of Krishna?"

What verse? Oh, right... here it is.

Sri Krishna Chaitanya Mahaprabhu spoke to Sanatana Goswami as follows:

adau sraddha tatah sadhu-sango 'tha bhajana-kriya
tato 'nartha-nivrttih syat tato nistha rucis tatah
athasaktis tato bhavas tatah premabhyudancati
sadhakanam ayam premnah pradurbhave bhavet kramah

"In the beginning there must be faith. Then one becomes interested in associating with pure devotees. Thereafter, one is initiated by the spiritual master and executes the regulative principles under his orders. Thus one is freed from all unwanted habits and becomes firmly fixed in devotional service. Thereafter, one develops taste and attachment. This is the way of sadhana-bhakti, the execution of devotional service according to the regulative principles. Gradually emotions intensify, and finally there is an awakening of love. This is the gradual development of love of Godhead for the devotee interested in Krishna consciousness." –Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta, Madhya 23, 14-15

That chapter in Sri Caitanya-Caritamrta is called "Life's Ultimate Goal." Lord Chaitanya goes on to describe the symptoms of one who has the seed of transcendental emotion for Krishna in his heart. What are the symptoms of a devotee?

He manifests forgiveness. (I see...)

He is concerned that not a moment of time should be wasted. Every moment should be utilized for Krishna. (Yikes!)

He develops detachment. .. Material enjoyment, mystic power and sense gratification do not appeal to the devotee at all. (Hmmmm.) .. He is not agitated by material things. (Hmmmm.)

There is an abscence of false prestige [reputation, distinction... ]

(1. reputation or influence arising from success, achievement, rank, or other favorable
attributes. 2. distinction.)

(I am not the doer. I am not the doer. I am not the doer. Krishna is da Bomb :-)

The devotee manifests hope and eagerness, a taste for chanting the holy name of the Lord, attachment to the descriptions of the transcendental qualities of the Lord, and affection for those places where the Lord resides...

(Hmmmm... I can see how this could potentially fill my whole day, every day. Is this what I really want?)

As I researched further I came across Srila Prabhupada's conversation with a guest about the "adau sraddha" verse, January 9, 1977:

Guest: Can you explain surrender?

Prabhupada: "Surrender, this is surrender, that... First of all, why you surrender? You must know it perfectly well that "Krsna is master; I am servant." Otherwise there is no question of surrender. Then you have to believe that "Krsna says, aham tvam sarva papebhyo moksayisyami. So now I have surrendered. I have no more fear. Krsna will give me protection." To believe firmly... "Krsna is all powerful. Krsna is my master." .. First of all, you have to check yourself whether you firmly believe in the words of God. If you don't believe, there is no question of surrender. Then you remain where you are.

This is firm belief: "Krsna says that He will give me protection. So let me surrender. I have surrendered to maya. I have not become happy. So why not surrender to Krsna?" This is intelligence."

You are not free. Then why you are declaring yourself as free? This is your disease. So intelligent means that I have no freedom actually. I am acting under the dictation of my senses. I am servant of my senses. So why not become servant of Krsna? This is intelligent. Everyone is acting under senses, order of the senses. Kamadinam kathidha na kathida palita durni-desah. Even I don't want to do it, something wrong, but my senses are dictating, so "All right, let me do it." So we are... I am servant of the senses. My position is twofold. Either I become the servant of the senses or I become servant of Krsna. My position is the same. Simply I have to change it."

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My conclusion for today: Who was helping whom? Here I was trying to help David clarify his decision on his next course of action in his grand adventure into Krishna consciousness, and meanwhile David–and of course Krishna who is da Bomb diggity–was helping this lost soul clarify his own goals.